I read and hear a lot of people talk about what “you deserve” in a relationship. When these things are said, it is implied that if your spouse is not doing these things for you currently, it must not be real or the relationship should be questioned and possibly ended. I disagree.
You deserve to be treated with all the respect, dignity, love, and care in the world. Absolutely. Each person on this earth has immense dignity and worth because that comes from God. We were all created in His image.
You deserve flowers for no reason, thoughtful gestures, kisses just because, and things to make you smile. Some days. Some days you could probably do more to love your spouse.
You deserve for your spouse to always make you happy? Well that’s just an impossible request.
You deserve a lot and are worth more than you can imagine.
But when did marriage become about what you deserve? When did marriage become so selfish? When did we start believing that if you aren’t treated the way you feel you deserve to be treated that the marriage has failed?
On the days you feel like you aren’t treated how you should be, how often do you look in the mirror and honestly ask yourself if you are treating your spouse in the way they deserve to be treated?
What a humbling question. If answered honestly I have always found there was more I could do. My husband is also a child of God who was worth God giving his only son to die for him. My husband is so loved by God that God forgives him every time he fails. My husband is worth Jesus leaving 99 sheep to go out and find him. My husband is worth so much and means everything to God.
Do I really treat him in that way? Do I really let my husbands great worth sink into my soul? And do my thoughts, actions, and words reflect and remind him of his worth?
I find that in the moments when I am upset because I felt like I wasn’t treated the way I deserved, I could equally find ways I failed to treat my spouse as he deserves. So many of those times if I am honest with myself, I can see how selfish of a response that is. Although I deserve the world, although my God died for my salvation, although I am worth everything to Christ, I must look to God for my worth and be patient with my spouse. I must be willing to humbly accept that we will never be able to love each other with the same perfection that God loves us but we can and always should strive to love each other as selflessly as possible, to breathe life into each other, and to keep each other’s worth and dignity in God’s eyes at the forefront of our minds. And that is what the marriage is – a journey together to explore God’s love by learning how to see and love your spouse as God does.
Marriage is not the journey toward being treated how you feel you deserve – it is the journey toward learning how to love your spouse in the way God says they deserve to be loved, which is unconditionally.
The sad thing is, you are separated. And have been. But you still leave and create these posts on your blog. I think you need to check your relationship with God. Because you have greatly sinned in the amounts of lies you have told.
Although separated, the promises made on a marriage day are not invalidated by separation. The marriage vow I made to be true in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor all the days of my life is a sacred vow. No circumstances whether hard times, arguments, separation, divorce, or anything else can invalidate that promise. That promise is one in which the actions to carry it out and live it are mine and mine alone. No one else can live out those words except for me and no one can take away my ability, desire, and commitment to live them out. In making that promise, I gained the unique ability to live out that vow and to spend a lifetime learning how to better love. As with all things in life sometimes the marriage vow is easy to live out and sometimes it is hard; sometimes I fall short and sometimes I excell at living it out. That’s why it’s a beautiful promise to keep striving to learn to love better. Its a lifetime journey that is amazing and incredible every step of the way, even in the difficult times. So I do continue to live out my marriage vows although separated because those vows were and will forever be a special promise to spend the rest of my life learning how to love another person and love God.
I disagree that it is sad to live out marriage vows. It is a beautiful sign and a fulfilling call to explore God’s unconditional love for each of us more deeply and learn how to love more as He does.